Category Archives: Weekend Highlights

100 Tastes San Francisco Style

On a whim, Katie and I decided to dive head first into 7×7’s List of 100 Things You Need to Try Before You Die.  It’s is now our life’s mission to complete the list before Katie moves to Austin at the end of August.

After reading the list, we realized we’d already completed 3 of the items.

1. Tuna Tartare at Michael Mina’s

2. Irish Coffee at Buena Vista Cafe

3. Rotisserie Chicken at Limón

So for the remainder of the list we will have photo evidence of our epicurious journey.

4. Carnitas Tacos at La Taqueria

Taco

5. Mint Julep from Alembic

Mint Julep

6.  Chip and Salsa at Papalote

papalote

7. Galapagos Cocktail at Absinthe

Galapagos

I will keep you updated on our progress and the state of our waistlines…

Should be a fun and exciting adventure.  Not to mention a bittersweet way to give my girlfriend a suitable San Francisco send off.

Oh and Happy Independence Day!  Until next time.

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Actively Acting Against Bikini Weather

This week has been sort of a whirl wind.  

I picked up LOADS of extra shifts at Town Hall and then remembered that some friends from my recent trip to Harvard would be coming into town for a couple of weeks beginning last Thursday.  Fortunately, they are lovely ladies who prefer to fend for themselves rather than depend on my laughable attempts to entertain them.

I have also eaten several bags of Double Chocolate Milano Cookies – Mostly because I’ve been a major PMSing bitch for the majority of this week.  

Tonight, I procured a large amount of my restaurants “famous” butterscotch and chocolate pot de creme.  I’m trying my damnedest not to eat it all in one sitting.  We’ll see how that works out.  I’m sure by the time you read my next post it will be written from the crane that will be used to haul my whale-like body out of my apartment.  Ah, I can feel my ass getting bigger by the minute.

This Is What the Future of Science Looks Like

In the time I spent with the first year graduate students of Harvard, this is what I learned.

According to several physics students the definition of a hand job is to receive 3 consecutive pumps from another person in a sexual manner.   So I asked what then would they consider a blow job?  Three consecutive bobs…?  If we are using the same logic here then that must be the case.  The gentlemen agreed that three consecutive bobs would definitely be considered such, because there needed to be some continuity for their theory. 

Disclaimer to the ladies:  I am totally okay with this theory as I am sure many of you would be as well.  If in fact all you need is 3 bobs and I’m done –  than so be it.  You certainly won’t catch me complaining.  I’d also be willing to bet there would be an exponential decrease in the female cases of lock jaw.

However, something about this irked me.  As far as I’m concerned the definition of “job” itself insinuates that there is first a preconceived task which then requires completion.  If said task is incomplete than no “job” has actually occurred.  Therefore even if said “job” was attempted but never finished – consequently no “job” was preformed.

Now, let us translate this towards the previously stated theory.  If one attempts to say, give someone a hand job than that job should be completed (I am considering completion to be either a male erection suitable for further sexual activity OR male ejaculation).  Otherwise, you are merely partaking in heavy petting.  The same goes for a blow job.  If the task is incomplete than you have just “gone down on someone” – you have not given a blow job.  And since, I assume three bobs/pumps would not be enough to complete either task (in most cases) than this would not be a job, per-say.

I understand my argument is based purely on semantics… But I feel as though it is quite sound.

This argument got pretty heated around a large rooftop patio table in Cambridge.  Oddly enough this is what some of the most intelligent scientific minds of our time attempt to hypothesize…    

Okay, modern science – three bobs you say??  Try convincing the rest of the male population of this little theory of yours…  Good fucking luck.

My Harvard Weekend: In Review

Non-Stop Virgin America Airlines Flight.  Check.

For $220.00 (Which I did not pay for).  Check.

Becoming obsessed with the Google Map flight tracker during the flight.  Repeatedly thinking “GODDAMN IT, I’m still in fucking Wyoming!!”  Check.

Impressed hoards of Harvard graduate students by my mire presence.  Check.

Got full on tackled in front of Red Sky Bar in Boston.  Check.

Obtained ridiculously large bruises from said event.  Check.

Somehow managed to to get locked out of Perkins Hall at Harvard at 3:00 a.m.  Check.

Showed in a dorm.  Check.

Slept in a dorm.  Check.

Embarrassed old friends in front of new ones.  Check.

Debated the distinctions between going down on someone vs. giving someone a blow job and heaving petting/stroking vs. giving someone a hand job with some of the most brilliant minds in the world. (Serious discussion on said topic soon to come.)  Check.

Fended off the Swine Flu… No seriously, those Harvard fuckers may be smart.  But they sure as hell didn’t figure out how not to get the fucking Swine Flu.  Check.

Used a video game to relate a mathematical vs. social economic thesis for an English PhD student’s paper.  Check.

Took way to many shots of tequila (if that’s even possible…). Check.

Ate fish tacos.  The actual food product.  Not to be confused with the crude name for going down on a woman.  Check.  I LOVE FISH TACOS!!

Had one hell of a great time.  Fucking Check.

Dear Universe, I’m Sorry

Clearly, I must have seriously pissed off the universe this week.  A series of unfortunate encounters have occurred recently, which were all capped off by me managing losing my cell phone on Sunday night.  In my opinion, losing your cell phone is right up there with Chinese water torture on the annoying scale.  

My Monday afternoon consisted of me driving to Daly City (south San Francisco) to retrieve a new AT&T sim card and figure out if I was in fact eligible for an upgrade.  NEWS FLASH:  The universe definitely hates me…. so, no I was not.  Which meant I needed to either buy a new phone for around $300 – $400 OR drive my ass to Oakland (complete opposite direction) to get to the nearest Wal-Mart and purchase a GO Phone that could support my new sim card.  Fuck me YAY.  This is a diagram of my little journey via Google Maps.

 
View Larger Map

Then…

View Larger Map

So I spent last night trying to make amends with the universe.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Sprinkles of Happiness From Heaven

Sometimes, I think God must either really like me or chooses sick and twisted ways to test me.

However, I believe what follows is a true and pure gift from the big guy upstairs.

Friday night, I was out at a bar in the Marina (read: heavily populated with over privileged ex-fraternity boys and sorority girls), East Side West celebrating my friends, Brennan and Joy’s engagement. Actually, it was the pre-engagement party happy hour… considering the PARTY PARTY was actually going to be Saturday night. Now in my opinion, many of Joy’s friends are what I would classify as “Marina” girls. Understand, I do not really dislike these woman. It’s just that we lead very very different lives for the most part, thus it seems we don’t really understand one another. Not too mention, none of them have ever actually attempted to get to know me as a human… I digress.

Anyway, at some point during the evening one of the girls and I are in the bathroom together. Imagine if you will: very blonde, very cute, expensive bag, lightly bronzed, and lack luster personality.

She turns to me and says, “So…I just got spray tanned today, umm do you think it looks too orange?”

Ohhh thank you, baby Jesus. I am sooo glad I’m sober enough to remember this moment. ‘Cause this is good stuff.

“Uh no, I think it looks… fine.”

Other girls walk in… similar conversation continues.  Apparently others had gotten it done today as well.

“Hey would you mind taking a picture of us just so we can see if we look orange on camera?”

I really didn’t think this could get any better… but WOW it just did!!

After my amazing photography skills were put to use, I had to run away very quickly. As uncontrollable laughter was beginning to set in.  Vanity is funny.

Weekend Highlights: L.A. Style

As you know, Friday, I flew out of San Francisco for a weekend trip to L.A. to celebrate Craig’s brother Justin’s 29th birthday.

This is the breakdown.

So, as I had never met Craig before moving to the west coast – I’ve also never met Justin. This is odd considering I lived next door to both of them for 13 years in Baton Rouge. So, I couldn’t really aid in any of the planning – since I didn’t know anyone involved. Not that I think men are incapable of doing such things… I’d just rather do it myself and do it right.

For instance, the night before we left Craig still hadn’t made reservations to the place he wanted to take Justin out to eat Friday night. So with the limited knowledge I had of this restaurant (i.e. spelling of the name, location, or anything really) I managed to find it and make the reservation.

So, we make it to L.A. right on time – no delays (hooray… since we were already getting into the city dangerously close to 4:00 p.m., and dancing the line of peak traffic time.) The weather was GORGEOUS!! 75 degrees sunny. A welcome change from San Francisco’s high 40’s, rainy, and windy as fuck for the last… hmm 3 weeks straight. I digress. Upon our arrival, Justin suggests we take a trip to the liquor store to get this party started (yes please). I do love me some southern boys. We think alike.

Justin and his live-in girlfriend, Nicole live in a house that also doubles as a plant store.  Walking up to their house is like making your way though a miniature rain forest. The man owns the store is also their landlord and is the proud owner of an extremely loquacious parrot, Eyo. In the evenings, Justin and Nicole take Eyo inside their apartment so that it has a safe place to sleep. Whenever we returned from the store Craig thought the best possible plan of action was to try to hold the bird. I for one dislike birds – like cats their temperaments are not always the most loyal and affectionate. Needless to say this was a bad idea… because not but half a second after Justin had removed Eyo from her cage about to pass her off to Craig, SNAPPP! Eyo had latched herself on to his thumb. Instinctively, Craig yanked his hand away, but unfortunately for Eyo, she has quite the grip. Thus, she plummeted to the ground with one hell of a thud. For the duration of our stay she proceeded to give Craig a pretty gnarly death stare… I doubt she ever forgets.

That evening the four of us enjoyed what just might be the most delicious sushi I’ve ever had… EVER. We went to Yu-N-Mi’s Sushi on Little Santa Monica. It was truly an orgasm for my palette. Kobe beef rolls, lobster rolls, blue fin tuna delights, and so much more. Not to mention a few bottles of sake for the table (are you surprised, I think not), yum! Oh yeah, I’ll have dreams about that place for many moons to come. Plus it was on Craig… Score!

After our meal we went to a quaint little bar in West Hollywood called The Woods. Which was perfect since I had just gorged myself on raw fish, so I was glad to be somewhere chill where I could happily sip my Stoli sodas. Somewhere along the line, the boys were somehow provoked to began taking Jager Bombs. All the while, I’m trying to maintain my gag reflex as LSU has forever ruined Jager for me (thank god).

Around 10:30 Nicole and Justin were ready to call it a night, Justin had his first LSAT prep course in the morning and Nicole had two 20 page papers to work on for grad school. So, Craig and I opted to take a $40 cab ride to a really cool spot called Renee’s Courtyard Cafe to continue drinking and meet up with our friends Anthony “Cava”, Kim, and Ty all the way in Santa Monica. As you can imagine the night quickly went down hill from there. About 4 Stoli Sodas and $100 later, I was quite drunk and am fairly certain I had an extremely stupid and candid conversation with Kim, that I wish would never be remembered or repeated. On the upswing, Cava was kind enough to let Craig and I sleep in his bed that night, considering we were a shitty mess…

The next morning, Cava again generously lent us his car to use for the day because we had to meet Justin and Nicole for brunch across town. So forty minutes later, we were back in West Hollywood about to enjoy a delicious meal at Griddle Cafe. Which allegedly serves Oreo cookie stuffed pancakes and peanut butter crunch crusted french toast.  OH MY.  Just thinking about that place I gained 5lbs.  But, I wouldn’t know for sure because everyone and their mom thought it would be a good idea to go there for breakfast that morning. Oh well, I’ll save that potentially heavenly experience for my next trip to L.A.

*The information that follows is blatant ranting and an accurate depiction of what I consider my hell.

I’ve always heard stories about traffic in L.A. from friends, movies, and guilty pleasure trash reality shows The History Channel.  But nothing compares to what happened over the course of the next four hours of my life.  Remember when I said it was about a forty minute from Cava’s house back to Justin’s.  Yeah well.  After brunch we realize that Justin is about to be late for his LSAT class so we must drop him off at UCLA and we don’t have time to go back to get Cava’s car which we have left at their house.  UCLA is approximately thirty minutes away from where we were and about forty minutes back to WeHo… I’m already beginning to get car sick.  I’ve never had an issue with motion sickness, but I think the hangover I was trying to nurse and the unexpected scorching heat extremely warm weather was not helping my situation.  Immediately, we turn around and get back into our loaner car and head back towards Santa Monica.  A half an hour or so into our drive (when we should be getting dangerously close to our destination) I begin to notice we are hitting cross streets from the side of town we had just come from.  With extreme caution and masked distain, I present my lovely little discovery to Craig… upon which our heads explode.

So, after nearly three and a half hours in the car we finally completed the 12 mile trek.  Oh my god the hell.  Fortunately, Craig isn’t one of those people who displaces his anger onto other people and I’m extremely good at being quiet when necessary (and not touching the radio controls.)  Thus, we were both still alive at the end of our journey… and surprisingly didn’t hate each other.  Aside from, my delirium that shortly followed (i.e. uncontrollable giggling and incessant counting) it wasn’t the worst experience of my life, lie.  Upon our return to SF, I made sweet love to an unsuspecting MUNI train.  

*Rant Complete

We then spent the afternoon at The Promenade, a very touristy shopping area very close to the beach.  It was nice to to be out of the car anywhere, and they wanted me to at least see some the tourist things.  It being my first time in L.A. and all.  We walked down to The Santa Monica Pier, where I think every child in a stroller in North America had to come to gather.  This is where we also debated whether or not $10 was worth riding the roller coaster. $10-1, roller coaster-0.  Eh, maybe next time.

That night the boys and I met up with the rest of the IGN kids plus Kim for one of their friends 35th birthday party.  The theme was dress as you did in middle school.  Craig and I did not participate.  We are lazy boring.  We made it an early night, but not before enjoying the fruit roll-ups, hostess snacks, and condoms provided.  

All and all, a really good trip.  I got to view the Hollywood sign from afar.  Justin drove me down the walk of fame and past Mann’s Theatre.  I got to eat delicious treats, drink often, and bask in some beautiful weather.  Even though I may be a bit traumatized by that car ride for quite a while – it was totally worth it.   

Will I go back to L.A., hell yes.  Would I move there, eh the jury’s still out on that one.  But, who knows what the future holds.  80 degrees in February sounds pretty amazing to me.