Category Archives: Kate

Thursdays Are Good

Katie and I are officially 4 steps closer to completing our journey of the 100 things to taste in SF! More on that in a moment… 

More importantly is the conversation Katie and I had as we were getting ready to go out on our tour of “tastes.”

Me: Hey, so I bought some cellulite gel today…

Kate:  Why?  You don’t even have cellulite.

Me:  I know, BUT I will… and it was on sale.  I’m taking preventative measures and I’m thrifty.

On to the food… Yesterday might have been the most amazing food day of my life!

8. Shrimp and Chive Dumplings at Ton Kiang

Dim Sum

Let’s discuss this a bit.  Never in my 22 (and a half, it’s my half birthday today by the way) years have I ever, EVER felt so amazing after consuming a dish.  Ton Kiang gave me a stomach orgasm – seriously…  These dumplings found my G-Spot in a minute flat… I’m pretty sure some of my previous boyfriend’s are still looking for it I have several ex-boyfriends with great personalities. 

9.  Tommy’s Margarita at Tommy’s Mexican

IMG_0054

An AMAZING rita… Outstanding service.  I would have loved to sit there all evening just hanging out, watching soccer, and munching chips and salsa. Mmm mmm.

10. Meatballs at Aziza

Meatballs

Delish and the cocktails here. WOW.

11. Yellowtail Collar at Oyaji

So, when we got to Oyaji I was a tish tipsy so I totally forgot to take a picture of the food. I was also a bit distracted by the sushi chef who was completely hysterical, drunk, and incredible.  He kept calling Katie “black 3rd nipple”.  Why you ask?? I’ll show you.  Black Nipple

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life.  We obviously had a great fucking time.  

Happy Weekend, all!

Harry Potter count down: 4 days and 6 hours!!!

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100 Tastes San Francisco Style

On a whim, Katie and I decided to dive head first into 7×7’s List of 100 Things You Need to Try Before You Die.  It’s is now our life’s mission to complete the list before Katie moves to Austin at the end of August.

After reading the list, we realized we’d already completed 3 of the items.

1. Tuna Tartare at Michael Mina’s

2. Irish Coffee at Buena Vista Cafe

3. Rotisserie Chicken at Limón

So for the remainder of the list we will have photo evidence of our epicurious journey.

4. Carnitas Tacos at La Taqueria

Taco

5. Mint Julep from Alembic

Mint Julep

6.  Chip and Salsa at Papalote

papalote

7. Galapagos Cocktail at Absinthe

Galapagos

I will keep you updated on our progress and the state of our waistlines…

Should be a fun and exciting adventure.  Not to mention a bittersweet way to give my girlfriend a suitable San Francisco send off.

Oh and Happy Independence Day!  Until next time.

Not For the Faint of Heart

DISCLAIMER: No, seriously.  You may not want to read this… But, I’m going to write it anyway.  

So, remember when I said I was getting ready to do the Master Cleanse.  Yeah, well that’s going to have to get put on hold.  Why? You may ask.  Well you shouldn’t but I’m going to tell you anyway.  I am seriously, seriously constipated.  

Still want to keep reading… It’s only going down from here.

Well, the other night I had heard that the Saline Cleanse was a good alternative to the Master Cleanse (it is also a part of the cleanse, but I had heard it was quite effective on it’s own.)  So, I tried it.  1 Quart of water and 2 large tablespoons of salt heated a bit on the stove so the salt can melt.  Then you drink it.  All of it.  Quickly.  Sounds easy, right?  Well, it’s not.  I almost vomited in the process.  But, I finished it.  Allegedly, it should take effect in 15 minutes-2 hours. So, I waited.  And waited.  And waited some more to no avail.  I had also heard that sometimes it can be ineffective on the first try, but is after subsequent daily tries.  By work I mean Niagra Falls out of the butt. By not working I mean, you should at least have a bowel movement just without the “flushing”/”cleansing” experience.  I, however, experienced neither.  Fucking awesome.

I didn’t think much of this that night.  I figured I just did it wrong.  The odds of that where pretty great – considering I screw things up all the fucking time quite frequently.  I decided I’d wait until Katie got back into town to actually begin the cleanse.  (Although, I haven’t had a drink since Sunday… so suck it, bitches.)  

Today, I thought I’d try that saline flush again.  One, I wanted to try to cleanse my body once more.  And two, because I’d failed to have a bowel movement since Sunday morning (today is Wednesday, by the way.)  This time I read up on it a bit more thoroughly.   

Try #2:  Heat, mix, chug, and wait.  Wait some more.  Still fucking waiting. 

At this point I’ve begun to grow concerned.  I have a belly full of salt water.  And no pooping, not even a little gurgling, not even one little fart in 4 days… This had just moved from the annoyance zone to a serious problem.  

Once Katie arrived from her weekend getaway I decided it was time to go about my next plan of action.  Blue Bottle.  Blue Bottle’s New Orleans style iced coffee is sure to give you the “urge” before you even finish the cup.  It is the most beautiful natural laxative ever.  So, as soon as she got in the door I explained my “predicament”.  Katie quickly replied, “Yeah, if a Blue Bottle can’t cure that – then you’ve got a serious problem.”  I knew she was right.  We then set off to get a coffee and a copy of my house keys (which I thought I had lost earlier this week – this later becomes an interesting part of my tale…)  

Upon arriving back at home, Katie’s Blue Bottle had already taken it’s toll. (Sorry Kates)  I, however, felt nothing at all.  Well, nothing except for the panic that I may never be able to take a shit again.  My serious problem has just escalated to full on crisis mode.  Which lead to crazed googling of “can one die from constipation?”  

What I learned is that, “you can not die, though you may be in severe pain, and should probably go see a doctor.”  I hate the doctor by the way.  HATE.  I once walked around for 2 months with a broken wrist because I refused to see a doctor.  It still hurts like hell when the weather changes.  And, I wasn’t feeling any excruciating discomfort at this point so I figured I had a few good days left in me before my colon would explode.  So, I told Katie I had to go to the drug store to get some sort of over the counter medicinal laxative.  She whole-heartedly agreed… since the Blue Bottle test was an utter failure. 

At the drug store I had my choice of plenty of laxatives.  But ALL of them were “gentle” and would take overnight to work.  I didn’t fucking have all night… maybe two days ago I had all night.  Not anymore.  No I needed something to work now, as in RIGHT NOW.  How the hell do teenage girls use laxatives as an effective method of bulimia. Goddamn it, if those hookers can figure this shit out (no pun intended, no really) then I certainly should.  And then I saw it, the shiny little box that said “Effective Immediately”.  Ding ding ding!!!  I bent down to read the box a tish more closely… and then a very disturbing word popped out at me. Suppository.   Yep, nope… not quite that desperate yet.  Exit only.  I’ve said that enough times is my life… Ahem.

So, I came home empty handed.  Totally defeated.  

Until, I remembered… I was annoyed with the boyfriend.  I had texted him hours ago about when were meeting up to watch “LOST”.  With no response.  I had also texted him earlier that week to see if he maybe had my keys.  No response.  Thus, I assumed they were completely missing.  Now, I was pissed.  So, as I like to do when I get mad – I send slightly passive aggressive messages.  This one read something like, “I guess in that case we aren’t watching it tonight.” (Not really mean, just enough to imply,”What the fuck, sketch ball!”)  

Ring, ring.  Ring, ring.  He’s calling me.  Good he knows I’m pissed, let’s let him suffer a minute.  REJECT.  This is not nice, I know… but he’d been MIA for 3 days.  I do not tolerate such things, not without mild punishment.  Then I typically forget.  I fume for a moment.  Oh, cute he’s left a voicemail.  I’ll call him back.  Later.

WAIT. What is that feeling.  Oh my god.  I think I actually have the “urge”!  Fucking finally.  

So, the moral of this story is that the Master Cleanse is the devil.  Getting pissed off at your boyfriend cures constipation.  And accidently blocking your boyfriends phone number from your text messaging service is not a good thing.  Especially, when he does in fact have the keys you’ve lost… and you’ve already spent $50 to get another key card to get yourself into your apartment  building.  Amazing.

Reason #36 Why We Need To Find A New Apartment

Let’s face it. I, Megan Delaney, live in a shitty part of town.  The chances of my being capped in the streets by a stray bullet in the heat of a raging gun battle are highly likely.  I’ve heard from a friend that someone he knew had a cup of soup thrown at them by a random homeless person for no apparent reason at my apartment’s cross streets.  Awesome.  It’s just down right sketchy on my block… 

However, there are moments that make it all worth it.

Take last night for example.  As Katie and I got out of a cab near our corner there was a man walking up with a shopping cart full of all of his belongings.  Mumbling nonsense to himself.  Though, for I all I know he was simply trying to solve some crazy logarithm and could potentially hold the keys to the universe.  Or not.  As he makes his way to the same corner he stops at a trash can and begins doing fan kicks over them.  You know, like full on can-can style high kicks (bah bah bah dah dah).  I must say he had some amazing form.  After successfully showing that trash can who was boss, he proceeded around the corner stopping at the next trash can.  Again, he started with the same high kick routine!  Mumbling crazy nonsense all the while.

Now, what I want to know is… Where was he going, how far away from his destination was he, and how long was it going to take him to get there?  Let’s consider for a moment he has some sort of obsessive disorder (though I’m sure that’s the least of his issues).  Does he really stop at every trash can, do a dozen high kicks, and move on to the next one?  I really wish I had followed him.  But I had some double chocolate Milano cookies upstairs calling my name.  So 20 minutes of following some random man was most definitely out of the question.

We really need to find a new place… only 7 months to go until our lease is up!

Disappointment

Today, I agreed to take Katie to work. As we were stepping into(or onto?) the elevator in our apartment complex I decided I wanted a piece of gum.  It was my very last piece of Dentyne Ice.  And for some reason I was oddly excited about it. 

Me: (sliding packet open, preparing to pop the gum out of the aluminum/plastic case) Oh yeah Katie, this is going to be delici… Aw Fuck!!

Katie: (laughing hysterically) 

 

That goddamn piece of gum shot right out of the package and onto the floor of the elevator… I think I may have been more disappointed in that moment than I have – ever.

But, I feel kind of weird about how excited I was about the gum in the first place…

Nova Story: skinny jeans vs. television

This week has been full of extremely exciting (and hazy) evenings.  Most of the excitement has stemmed from Katie and I’s recent antics at Nova, with the help of Fernet Blanca per Elliot our new favorite bartender. 

This past Friday at Nova we swung by after work, and the bar was pretty dead.  Mostly out of towners, some random locals, and very few women.   After Katie and I tweaked the iPod a bit the party really got started – like in a bad chick flick bar scene… With the entire bar crowded around us singing “Anyway You Want It” at the tops of our lungs, taking shots of Fernet like it was water.  

After all this, I got to talking with our fellow smoker friend, Scooter a.k.a. “Safe Married Guy”.  The conversation went as follows:

Safe Married Guy:  So what did you girls do today?

Me: Ah, it was a typical day for us.  We laid in bed all day watching Six Feet Under…

Safe Married Guy:  What?  Haven’t you seen that a million times…

Me:  What do you mean?  We’re watching that on Net Flix… I’ve never had HBO a day in my life.  Not to mention we don’t have a televsion, let alone cable!

Safe Married Guy: (Obviously astonished)  What?!? Well then how are you even watching Net Flix….

Me:  Laptop… You don’t seem to understand.  When we moved out here we took only what would fit in her car.  A TV wasn’t exactly our top priority.

Safe Married Guy:  I’d have left a few pairs of skinny jeans back in Louisiana to make room for a TV!!!

Me: (laughing hysterically now…)  Seriously, seriously… did you just say skinny jeans. Wow! Only in San Francisco.

Is It Still Called Breathing?

Break down of Katie and I’s last important conversation.

Me:  See if you can French inhale.

Katie: (tries… fails miserably) That’s impossible!! But wouldn’t it be cool if you could inhale and exhale at the same time??  Like if it were a special power only I had.  Then I’d never have to breathe again.

Me:  Umm, I think that, that would still be considered breathing.

Katie:  Uh, no!  To breathe you have to inhale and exhale… that’s the definition of breathing.

Me:  But just because you are doing both at the same time doesn’t mean that you aren’t inhaling and exhaling… it’s just a constant state of inhale/exhale.

Katie:  No, you’re wrong.

Me:  Are we seriously arguing about this…

Katie: Yes, and I’m going to win.  I’m right about this…

Me:  Fine you can be right… But I still think it’s stupid.