This Is What the Future of Science Looks Like

In the time I spent with the first year graduate students of Harvard, this is what I learned.

According to several physics students the definition of a hand job is to receive 3 consecutive pumps from another person in a sexual manner.   So I asked what then would they consider a blow job?  Three consecutive bobs…?  If we are using the same logic here then that must be the case.  The gentlemen agreed that three consecutive bobs would definitely be considered such, because there needed to be some continuity for their theory. 

Disclaimer to the ladies:  I am totally okay with this theory as I am sure many of you would be as well.  If in fact all you need is 3 bobs and I’m done –  than so be it.  You certainly won’t catch me complaining.  I’d also be willing to bet there would be an exponential decrease in the female cases of lock jaw.

However, something about this irked me.  As far as I’m concerned the definition of “job” itself insinuates that there is first a preconceived task which then requires completion.  If said task is incomplete than no “job” has actually occurred.  Therefore even if said “job” was attempted but never finished – consequently no “job” was preformed.

Now, let us translate this towards the previously stated theory.  If one attempts to say, give someone a hand job than that job should be completed (I am considering completion to be either a male erection suitable for further sexual activity OR male ejaculation).  Otherwise, you are merely partaking in heavy petting.  The same goes for a blow job.  If the task is incomplete than you have just “gone down on someone” – you have not given a blow job.  And since, I assume three bobs/pumps would not be enough to complete either task (in most cases) than this would not be a job, per-say.

I understand my argument is based purely on semantics… But I feel as though it is quite sound.

This argument got pretty heated around a large rooftop patio table in Cambridge.  Oddly enough this is what some of the most intelligent scientific minds of our time attempt to hypothesize…    

Okay, modern science – three bobs you say??  Try convincing the rest of the male population of this little theory of yours…  Good fucking luck.


One response to “This Is What the Future of Science Looks Like

  1. I would agree. One can always be blown without getting a blow job. But the 3 bobs is perfectly reasonable to qualify as an attempt.

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