(519): and then she drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”

Let’s start with the most recent… Shall we?

This past Tuesday evening I was invited to two parties.  One was to celebrate my friend Kenny’s last night of working at Town Hall.  The other was a last minute invitation I received to be in attendance at my boyfriend Craig’s house that evening.  It was a theme party.  Tonight’s Theme: “I need to talk to you about something.”

It doesn’t take a complete moron to figure out what is supposed to happen next.  I debated whether or not cleavage was expected or required for such a party…

This was a party that I’ve only attended once, maybe twice before.  Usually, I’m the one throwing it.  So, I thought I’d come prepared.  I gathered all the items in my apartment that had originally belonged to Craig packed them in Katie’s car and brought them along with me.  And drove myself to my own break up, which I was invited to.

Upon my arrival, they typical awkward talk about how “things aren’t working out”, “do you feel the same way”, and other nonsense.  Except I added, “I guess it’s a good idea I brought all your stuff with me.”

Craig was very confused by this.  Apparently, he didn’t quite give me enough credit for being an intelligent and capable member of the human race.  He also didn’t quite understand why this was such an easy and painless break up…. We even decided we could even still be friends. Hell, we even shared a post-break up smoke.  (Even though we did quit at the beginning of the month.)  I suppose I don’t handle uncomfortable or painful situations the same way most people do.  Bottling and making jokes about things seem to work just fine for me.  I foresee a bitch slap from my future therapist for writing such a thing.  

Anyway, I truly was fine. 

Until, I realized that he had de-facebook friended me.  Did we just revert back to 8th grade, and I missed the memo.  REALLY?!  Who does that?  You’re not my girlfriend anymore, so we’re not friends anymore – AND you’re not invited to my birthday party anymore…. HA!  Whatever.  I’m sure in the future social encounters I’ll give him shit about this.

Also, this isn’t directly related to the break up – but, I found it a tish odd.  Craig’s roommate/co-worker, Nate and his girlfriend, Anjie thought last night was the absolute BEST night to come into my place of work to have dinner.  This sort of thing confuses me.  Katie would never just show up somewhere that Craig would definitely be the day after we broke up.  It’s just kind of, “let’s go gawk at the ex-girlfriend, that’s a fun Thursday night activity.”  Lame.  I do very much like these people, but come on.

Now, I officially throw my hat in the ring.  I’ve rejoined the ranks of singledom.  Congratulations, men of the world.  You may now thank Craig Beridon.

12.  Morning Bun at Tartine Bakery

This was okay.  It would have been good if it were warm.  But, it doesn’t even light a candle to the eclairs (ohhh) also at Tartine Bakery.

13.  Spiced Chocolate Donut at Dynamo Donut

It’s not that I didn’t like this.  But it just confused my taste buds to a point were I couldn’t exactly enjoy it.  Katie and I shared.  Katie and I didn’t finish.  ’Nough said.  And you know we girls can eat…

More importantly is the conversation Katie and I had as we were getting ready to go out on our tour of “tastes.”

Me: Hey, so I bought some cellulite gel today…

Kate:  Why?  You don’t even have cellulite.

Me:  I know, BUT I will… and it was on sale.  I’m taking preventative measures and I’m thrifty.

On to the food… Yesterday might have been the most amazing food day of my life!

8. Shrimp and Chive Dumplings at Ton Kiang

Let’s discuss this a bit.  Never in my 22 (and a half, it’s my half birthday today by the way) years have I ever, EVER felt so amazing after consuming a dish.  Ton Kiang gave me a stomach orgasm – seriously…  These dumplings found my G-Spot in a minute flat… I’m pretty sure some of my previous boyfriend’s are still looking for it I have several ex-boyfriends with great personalities. 

9.  Tommy’s Margarita at Tommy’s Mexican

An AMAZING rita… Outstanding service.  I would have loved to sit there all evening just hanging out, watching soccer, and munching chips and salsa. Mmm mmm.

10. Meatballs at Aziza

Delish and the cocktails here. WOW.

11. Yellowtail Collar at Oyaji

So, when we got to Oyaji I was a tish tipsy so I totally forgot to take a picture of the food. I was also a bit distracted by the sushi chef who was completely hysterical, drunk, and incredible.  He kept calling Katie “black 3rd nipple”.  Why you ask?? I’ll show you.  

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life.  We obviously had a great fucking time.  

Happy Weekend, all!

Harry Potter count down: 4 days and 6 hours!!!

After reading the list, we realized we’d already completed 3 of the items.

1. Tuna Tartare at Michael Mina’s

2. Irish Coffee at Buena Vista Cafe

3. Rotisserie Chicken at Limón

So for the remainder of the list we will have photo evidence of our epicurious journey.

4. Carnitas Tacos at La Taqueria

5. Mint Julep from Alembic

6.  Chip and Salsa at Papalote

7. Galapagos Cocktail at Absinthe

I will keep you updated on our progress and the state of our waistlines…

Should be a fun and exciting adventure.  Not to mention a bittersweet way to give my girlfriend a suitable San Francisco send off.

Oh and Happy Independence Day!  Until next time.

Right before I feel asleep last night, I completed my 40th hour of “How I Met Your Mother.”  This is irrelevant to the story.  However, the main character, Ted Mosby, is an exact carbon copy of one of my friends from back home.  They look alike.  They sound alike.  Their successes/failures with women are also eerily similar.  It’s kind of beginning to freak me out.  But the looks… they’re uncanny. 

Example A.  Ted Mosby:

Example B.  My friend, Aaron Savoy:

Photo belongs to my friend Pam

CRAZY, huh.

Anyway.  I was fortunate enough to enjoy a very lovely dream starring Mr. Taylor Kitsch aka Timmy Riggins from “Friday Night Lights.”  

Feel free to draw your own conclusions about this dream.

Like this.  

Or this.

And two of these bad boys stacked together would make me a happy girl one day.  I’m easy to please!

Like so…

I picked up LOADS of extra shifts at Town Hall and then remembered that some friends from my recent trip to Harvard would be coming into town for a couple of weeks beginning last Thursday.  Fortunately, they are lovely ladies who prefer to fend for themselves rather than depend on my laughable attempts to entertain them.

I have also eaten several bags of Double Chocolate Milano Cookies – Mostly because I’ve been a major PMSing bitch for the majority of this week.  

Tonight, I procured a large amount of my restaurants “famous” butterscotch and chocolate pot de creme.  I’m trying my damnedest not to eat it all in one sitting.  We’ll see how that works out.  I’m sure by the time you read my next post it will be written from the crane that will be used to haul my whale-like body out of my apartment.  Ah, I can feel my ass getting bigger by the minute.